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I have a lunch meeting scheduled for today.  Why?  Because relationships matter.  I’ve met too many pastors and small group leaders who neglect relationships and this is just plain tragic.  It’s interesting to me that our goal is to lead people to become like Christ, but our own leadership styles are often not like Jesus’ style.  To Christ, there was no greater result than making people know they are loved.

I once had lunch with a man who had been a church member for over 9 years.  He told me, “You’re the first pastor I’ve had lunch with since I’ve been a part of our church.”  That astonished me.  I asked if he felt personally connected to any  of his previous pastors and he reluctantly said, “No”.

Another time the pastor I worked for criticized me for “Spending 400% more on lunch with volunteers than anyone else on our team.”  The amount I spent that year was under $130 per month and my average lunch cost was under $26 per meal which paid for my meal AND the volunteer’s.  I was being criticized for taking 5 volunteers out to lunch per month?!?!?!?  In my disgust I replied, “If that’s the case, then I’ve been a 400% more effective leader than anyone else on our team this year.”

One of a leader’s most precious commodities is time.  When a leader spends time on those they lead they are trading in a a valuable commodity (time) for the one thing that is MORE valuable:  people!  Jesus didn’t give his life for budgets or for schedules.  He died for people.

This is why one of my core values is and will always be People.  People matter most to Jesus so they should matter most to me.  Christ took time to sit with kids, prostitutes, tax collectors and his disciples.  If I am to be more like Jesus I have to spend more time with people, not less.

By the way, I can hardly wait for today’s lunch appointment.

At the end of this post I’ve listed some statistics related to pornography that I found online.  What these stats clearly say to me is this:  whether anyone wants to admit it or not, people in your small group are struggling with pornography.  This is why I’m a huge believer in accountability in small groups.

My Wednesday morning men’s group meets online and we hold one another accountable.  Why?  Because the cost of sexual sin is too high!

I use X3Watch accountability software on my computers and my iPhone (click links for info). Why?  Because the cost of sexual sin it too high!

My wife is one of my accountability partners who gets my online activity reports.  Why?  Because the cost of sexual sin it too high!

Pornography harms our spirits, our families, or witness and our ministries.  The cost of sexual sin is too high! IT’S JUST TOO HIGH!!!

Talk with your small group as soon as you can about this critical issue.  Establish accountability relationships NOW.  Use online accountability software.  X3Watch is free so there’s no excuse!!

Oh I know some of you will say things like, “X3Watch is a program that runs in the background so it will slow down my computer” or “It’s a pain to open links with X3Watch on my iPhone because I have to cut and paste them.”  My answer is simple:  It’s foolish to let excuses like that put you at risk.  First, it’s a benefit/cost question:  does the benefit outweigh the cost?  Second, it’s a question of importance:  Why allow antivirus programs to run in the background (slowing down your computer) to protect your physical hard drive, and refuse to allow anti-porn programs to run in the background to protect your mental hard drive?  Third, it’s a question of wisdom:  what’s wiser, to live cleanly or conveniently? (By the way, if you just answered “both” you are deceiving yourself!  Quit making excuses and make the sacrifice.)

So go ahead and read the following statistics…read them and tell me I’m wrong.

There are 3 reasons you really shouldn’t want your pastors to be in your small group:

1. Your pastors might be too transparent, and you’ll be offended that they let people see too many of their flaws.
2. Your pastors might not be transparent enough, and you’ll be offended that they are holding back.
3. Your pastors might not be transparent at all, and you’ll be offended thinking they are “fake”.

If your pastors come to your small group you’ll see that they are 100% human.  Seeing their humanity will knock them down from any pedestal you may have put them on.  When that happens, your pastors will no longer be larger-than-life.

Sadly, putting your pastors on pedestals is terribly unfair and it’s that unfairness which makes them not want to be in your small group.  It’s a vicious cycle that keeps pastors at arms length and can prevent them from connecting with their church on a deep and important level.  It’s a vicious cycle indeed, but it can be broken.

This cycle can only be broken when two things happen:  1. Parishioners must choose to accept their pastors’ flaws without imposing unfair or unrealistic expectations on them.  2. Pastors must choose to let down their guard and trust their church members.

Parishioners, extend mercy!

Pastors, extend trust!

Half of my four years at LifeChurch.tv were spent as the LifeGroup/Mission Pastor at the Oklahoma City Campus (For those who don’t know, LifeChurch.tv is one church with 13 campuses in 5 different states).  When I started at the OKC campus we had 181 LifeGroups and when I left that campus we had over 500.  How did we have such numerical success in a short 22 month period?  I attribute it to two things:  God’s blessing and great volunteers.

There’s no way around it, the group ministry on that campus flourished because God moved.  He moved among the people and raised up over 200 new leaders.  He moved in the hearts of thousands inspiring them to find a group and connect with other believers.  Most importantly, He moved among an elite group of standout leaders who had a passion to develop the next generation of leaders.  That elite bunch were our LifeGroup Coaches.

I believe with everything in me that our coaches were the heart and soul of the group ministry on the OKC campus.  I’m reluctant to name any of them because I don’t want to leave anyone out.  Yet I think of Greg and Dana Spender who continually set the bar high for the leaders they coached.  Their leaders always jumped over the bar that they set!  I think of Travis Reynolds who developed friendships with his leaders and although he’s not officially their coach now, he still keeps up with them.  I think of Kyle McClain who took one of the most reluctant leaders of all time and developed him into a person with great confidence and competence.  I think of Mike and Sara Dunbar who were living examples to their leaders of what a godly married couple should look like.  Mark and Chris Crow, Brad Montgomery, Angie Morelock, Marcy McConnell,  Damon Moran, Jeff and Deziray Click, and many many more are the people who made that ministry a success.

So what was my role?  I got to enjoy the ride.  God blessed me to be in the right place at the right time and gave me the great privilege of working with the best group of volunteers EVER.  It’s just that simple…and just that complicated.

No pastor or church leader would use a phrase like this blog post’s title to promote a discipleship curriculum or program.  It sounds like a silly infomercial, not to mention it’s utterly unbiblical.  Sadly though, the way we promote discipleship in our churches frequently and unintentionally sends this kind of message.  No wonder so many people make decisions for Christ but their lives don’t seem to change much.

Recently in her blog Heather Zempel wrote: “Discipleship is a whole life journey, not an 8-week class.”  That statement ought to be posted over the exits of every church building.  Becoming a disciple is instantaneous.  When a person chooses to become a Christ-follower that person IS a disciple.  Yet discipleship is a life-long process.

So that begs the question: what are we as church leaders doing to prepare those we lead for the long journey?  Are we promoting classes, curriculums, courses, and workshops?  Perhaps we should be promoting behaviors, habits, skills, experiences, and relationships.

Behaviors, habits, skills, experiences and relationships take tons of time and one-on-one interactions.  Courses, classes, curriculums, and workshops take a few weeks and one-on-many interactions.  The former is a crock pot that takes disciples on the life-long journey of discipleship.  The latter is a microwave that quickly makes disciples hot, but only for a short while…all to soon they become luke-warm.

Lord, may we, as those leading your sheep, choose crock pots!

Occasionally I meet pastors, church leaders, or small group leaders who remind me of myself.  They remind me of myself because of their arrogance. Over the my 19 years in ministry (especially when I was in my 20s) I sometimes grew impatient with the people I was leading.  In my impatience I said things that, at the time, I thought were “bold”, but now I see were just plain arrogant.  Even worse, the things I didn’t say are what shame me the most.  My greatest arrogance is revealed by my inmost thoughts as a pastor.

What are those thoughts?  There have been times when I thought, “Why can’t these people I’m leading get it like I do?”  I wondered to myself, “Why are these people so clueless, so stubborn, so…stupid?”  Sadly, those thoughts prove that I’m the one who didn’t “get it”.

Over and over the Bible describes Christ’s followers as sheep.  Based on the fact that sheep are really dumb animals, this description is NOT complimentary.  The word “pastor” means shepherd, which is a good description for church leaders because people need leadership and sheep need a shepherd.  Sadly pastors can sometimes get a big head because “shepherd” is a flattering word and “sheep” is not very flattering.

And that’s the point where the sheep/shepherd metaphor breaks down.  In actual sheep-ranching, sheep are shepherded by a person.  Yet, in people-ranching, God chose to have his sheep shepherded by another sheep.  No matter how much ability, intelligence or experience you might have as a pastor, church leader, or small group leader, the truth is simply this: YOU ARE JUST A SHEEP!   I am just a sheep and that is truly a humbling thought.

As a “lead sheep”, I don’t deserve my role in ministry.  I’m not any better than the people I’ve led.  I’m not any more important than the parishioners I’ve served.  The truth is that I’m just a sheep who God saw fit to promote.  For whatever reason, God saw fit to trust me to care for his sheep.

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God help me to have the humility required to be a sheep leading sheep. Help me to realize You are the only one who truly “gets it” and I will always be a work-in-progress.   Forgive me for my arrogance and help me to lead patiently, lovingly, and humbly.  A-men.

I had the great honor of baptizing my oldest son, Taylor, last Saturday night at the NW Oklahoma City campus of LifeChurch.tv.  Taylor and I have been talking about what it means to be a follower of Christ for a long time and on Christmas Eve 2009 he decided to give his entire life over to Jesus.  When I asked Taylor why he gave his life to Jesus he said, “Because Jesus died for my sins and I want to live for him.”

Stacey and I have tried not to be pushy parents who shoves their kids into making a decision for Christ.  Rather, we’ve tried our best to just live our faith in front of them and to talk openly about why we love Christ.  Thankfully, now our oldest son (age 9) has decided to follow in our footsteps and love Jesus too.  I can think of no greater honor on earth than to honor Jesus in front of my children so that they may know him!

Here’s the video of Taylor’s baptism.

A friend of mine in the computer business recently gave me some old broken hard drives.  Why?  Because I’m a nerd who builds custom lightsabers for fun.  If you’re geeky enough that you want to know more about “saber smithing” you can see a video about it here.  Anyway, inside most hard drives are some cool little parts that make great looking lightsaber components.  Since these hard drives were just going to be thrown away I couldn’t wait to rip them apart and harvest the pieces I needed.

My two youngest sons (Landry and Hayden) watched intently as I tore apart these hard drives, and they decided they wanted to play with all the parts I didn’t need.  Soon they began arguing over who got to keep which broken-old-hard-drive-parts, so I had to divide the pieces up between them fairly.  They pretended they were scientists and engineers.  They imagined that they were giants watching over tiny little cities (circuit boards look kind of like very small cities after all).  They played like some of the parts were medical instruments, and then they took the magnetic parts and put them on the refrigerator.

I was amazed to watch these kids ignore their piles of toys, video games, DVDs and books just to play with busted computer junk!

This made me think:  how often do we pursue owning the best things and miss out on even better things?  My children made me realize that happiness doesn’t come from having the best things, it comes from making the most of things.

Lord, make me content like my kids.  Help me to see beauty in things that look like junk to everyone else.  Help me experience the best life has to offer as I make the most of the people, experiences and things you’ve put in my path.

Writing down my core values is one of the most important personal-growth activities I’ve ever undertaken.  When I started out I thought, “This will be easy” but I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Boiling down the 7 to 10 values that most matter to me was actually really tough.  It took me a few months to feel like I had articulated the values that best reflect what I believe, who I am, and what I do.

Writing out your core values is a great way to learn more about yourself and sharing your values with others is a great way for them to learn about you.  Additionally, being able to clearly articulate your value set will help you know the things you should say “yes” and “no” to.  It will help you know why you’re attracted to some people and not others.  It will help you choose jobs that you’ll like and know the ones you’ll hate.

Writing out your core values is worth while, but if you make sure to do it right.  If you throw out a bunch of values or just pick the ones that make you smile, you’ll ultimately wind up frustrated with the exercise.  To help, here are a few tips for clearly defining the values that matter to you the most:

• Think about the things you actually do. What you do reflects what you really believe.  Your behavior is the window to your heart. For example, don’t say the Bible is one of your core values if you don’t read it every day.
• Avoid wishful thinking. Don’t pick values that you wish reflected your attitudes and actions.  Also don’t pick the values of someone you want to be like.  Remember, this activity is not about choosing values, it’s about identifying them!
• Think about the things that really make you mad. What upsets you to the point that you’re willing to act?  Bill Hybels calls this your “Holy Discontent”.  The things that most move or upset you reveal your deepest held values.
• Write a slogan with the value. This helps you articulate your values in just a few words and can go a long way in helping others understand your value set.
• Ask other people what they think. The people closest to you will be able to tell you the values they see you living out.  Their input is helpful but only if it is 100% honest.  Don’t ask people who have a tendency to tell you what you want to hear.

I’m sure there are some other things you can do to help clarify your value set, but hopefully this will get you started.

FYI Below are my core values:

• Integrity – What happens behind the curtain matters most.
• Trust – Trust is freely given before it is ever earned.
• Evangelism – Jesus died to reach the world, I must live to reach the world.
• Authenticity – I can never be who I am not.
• Creativity – God is creative. I am made in His image. I am creative.
• Humility – Humility attracts. Arrogance repulses.
• People – People are God’s priority. They should win out over policy.
• Stewardship – My budget reveals my priorities.

P.S. For those who know me well and are wondering why it didn’t make my list, “Star Wars” is not a value.  ;-)